Be Still

Silent

It was raining, it was the kind of rain that makes you think it will never stop again; it was the kind of rain which was so loud, you could not hear any movement and you could not even carry on a conversation.  It did not matter anyway I was alone.  PLOP PLOP PLOP, a flat, loud, gray sound the large drops made as they were married to the brown mud on the ground.  From the wood line I now lay just forward of this mud, I had low crawled to just inside of the tall switch grass, standing about six foot it was good cover.  Just prior to the start of the storm I moved in,  this way the rain and muck covered the heave of my body across the ground, which would have give the impression of a large snail, something I was accustomed to covering up but because of timing I did not have to do this, the rain continued.  My drag bag lay near me, soaked it was used to protect all the essentials of my life-rifle, ghillie and a small amount of food and water; this would be life for the next 16 hours or so.  I never minded the rain…but it was starting to annoy me, it began to inch through my ghillie; I dare not wear my rain gear, as it would become a sauna on such a humid night.  Growing up on a farm, we were always taught-thank God for any amount of rain, even if it messed up your time to play and run, because God grants us rain today and we may not have it later on and just as the word of God is breath for life, so was rain for our crops.

I knew they had dogs on the perimeter, I doubt they would scent me, but I kept my .45 dry just in case it was needed.  Lights from the tower began to glow; I imagined I would be able to hear their whirl as they came to life, if it were not for the down pour.  Darkness neared and they would use the tower lights to inspect outside the fence…just where I lay.  Tonight my mission was simple- observe, not get caught and bring back a report of the most penetrable points of the target.  My team would return and they would bring thunder and lightning when they did, but it was not yet time. 

During these times of quiet, harnessed, strength I talked with God.  Tonight he must have known I was on the cusp of danger because he told me to be still.  I remember on leave last year I had a chance to go deer hunting with my old buddies.  As I walked out of the swamp from my morning hunt I was surrounded by 100 year old tall White Pines and I had been talking with God all morning, suddenly it was as if I could not move my feet, as if they were cemented in cinder-blocks.  There in the quiet, stillness of the woods, God spoke to me- Be still and know that I am GOD, I remembered this was from Psalms..I felt a need to just stand there, then I decided to kneel and pray; but I dare not move more than this.  God chose this moment to remind me, he is unbounded and I am limited, he can do all things while I cannot.  Wow what a powerful experience he allowed me to have with him.

But now, I felt he just wanted me to be still because danger was a foot and any movement would likely give away my location and here…the mission would be over.  So once again I asked myself…why am I here?  I have been told I barely had a pulse so I felt pretty good at this grown up game of hide and seek, but at times I longed for home.  I wiped the rain from my face with a hidden hand I kept tucked under me to limit even my smallest movements, I had the appearance of one more dark spot in the tall switch grass.  I missed my sweet wife and my children and I wondered if they worried over me; I hoped not and I also hoped they knew why I do what I do.  I was reminded of Lt. Colonel Joshua Chamberlain who was in the 20^th Maine outfit fighting for the Union Army during the Civil War.  Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain was a devout Christian, a College professor and dearly loved those whom served with him.  He was once referred to as a man with the heart of a woman and the courage of a lion.  Being a dedicated Christian he prayed over major decisions and loved God, he did not have to fight in the war, but sought out an enlistment because he felt a calling.  A calling-all you are supposed to be and do in life according to the plan set forth by the master Painter- GOD.

I am here…I was called to be here- same answer every time I asked myself…why am I here?

As I continued to observe from my vantage point…I continued to tire, I would need sleep soon so a couple of hours before dawn I could inch forward and finish gathering what I needed and then slip away…never here. The rain…continued to beat down, would it ever stop, I felt as if I now weighed twice what I did before I left the wood line.  Footsteps neared…I could barely make it out over the rain but I could distinguish the suction cup sound of a boot maneuvering through the mud…be still…….a brush near the front of the grass, man and canine were so close I could touch them, his silhouette from the tower light showed me he was young, pockmarked face, maybe 20.  I hoped he would continue on by, I prayed he would not have to die tonight.  I also prayed although being on an opposite side, there was still hope my enemy might somehow also love the same God I did, I hoped so, but was left torn and unknowing over my question. I have always felt a sense of solace in the hope my enemy in his own way may also know and love my GOD…But I do not know.

Alone, felt so alone, as I lay my head down in the grass to doze, I asked God to lay with me, to comfort me and to protect me while I searched for sleep.  As I fought to find a calming assurance I remembered why God spoke to me that day I was in the woods, the command to be still has taught me to listen to what God can do, idly busy is no way to honor our Lord and Savior but to be still and in silence, to be surrounded by an awe of what he has done for us, is so loud and so teachable, yet if we do not pass it on, it dies, same as a mission in the field, observe, report for it was all part of the greater plan. 

Psalm 42

¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
   When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
   day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
   as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
   under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
   among the festive throng.
 ⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.
 ⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
   therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
   the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
   in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
   have swept over me.
 ⁸ By day the LORD directs his love,
   at night his song is with me—
   a prayer to the God of my life.
 ⁹ I say to God my Rock,
   “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
   oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
   as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
 ¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.